Infertility, Not Alone.

On Infertility: “Infertility was shaming for me because it was a lonely feeling. I felt as if no one else could understand my pain, especially all those around me with children. You feel as if something is wrong with you or that you are somehow being punished for something you’ve done wrong. You wonder in the back of your mind if this is somehow the ‘plan’ because you are unfit to be a mother.” From the book “I Thought it Was Just Me (But it Isn’t)” by Brene Brown.
Infertility @ Grace-Counseling.com

As I read this excerpt I immediately went back to that place of hurt and loneliness during my years of struggling with infertility.  Those were some pretty dark days for me.  I wanted to be able to struggle well, find joy in my circumstances and “move on.”  But the truth was I wasn’t able do any of those things.  I was stuck in my grief, angry at my circumstances and my struggle was less than graceful.  Now looking back I recognize that was all part of the process of grief. It was “OK” where I was in my struggle and what my struggle looked like.  I wish that I had given myself permission to take as long as I needed in my process and allowed myself to be me in that journey.


In helping clients process their loss I tell them these things:

  1. Allow yourself time to grieve and process your loss. You have the right to take as long as you need and it looks different for each person.
  2. Allow yourself to have a new normal. If it’s hard for you to attend baby showers or Mother’s Day events then kindly decline the invitation or maybe just send a gift. You might even choose to do some self-care that day and nurture self.
  3. Find your community of support. Are there others who are struggling with infertility that you can meet with? They will understand your hurt, sadness and loneliness. Meet or call them when you are under the weight of overwhelming feelings. Don’t isolate yourself!
  4. Make sure you are taking care of and nurturing yourself. Be healthy in your eating habits and exercise. Take care of yourself spiritually and keep a “Thankful List”. Meet with others who support and encourage you and hold you accountable.

I affirm you and support you in your journey.  You are not alone.

To learn more about our counselors who specialize in Infertility, contact Grace Counseling, please call us at (800) 972-0643.

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